Apr 2014
Matt Bourgault

Ask a Fool

Matt answers some reader questions.

I’m going to let you guys in on a little secret.

While The Creightonian first hits newsstands on Thursdays, I write these columns on Tuesdays. A shocking revelation, I know, but I trust that you guys can keep a secret.

And if you consult your nearest calendar, you will find that this Tuesday was April Fool’s Day. Now I don’t usually think much about that holiday because people don’t give me presents on April Fool’s Day.

This year was different.

I’ve been playing ESPN’s Streak for the Cash for upwards of four years now (It sounds a lot sadder when you say it out loud.), and it’s still a blast. The game operates all year, reminds you of what’s on TV and even generates interest in more obscure sports.

But more recently, the game has been growing more self-aware. Take today’s first prop, for example.  It read, “April 1st Gift Prop: Will you WIN this prop?” The options were “Yes” and “No.”

And that messed me up.

Do you answer “Yes” when the odds were set at -100,000? Do you take “No” at +500? It’s April Fool’s Day, does that matter?

In the end, I admitted defeat and answered that “No,” I was not going to win the prop. When I woke up in the morning, ESPN had proven me right.

Here’s another little secret about writing columns for The Creightonian, 600-ish words is a lot of words. Especially if you have no content and are only answering fan questions.

That’s why you have to start with an unrelated story that takes up 200 words before you get to the questions. I don’t know why I still have a job, either.

What do you make of Milwaukee’s response to Braun in his first at-bat?

I have mixed feelings about that one. Let me start by saying that I totally understand why it happened. If you are a baseball fan in Milwaukee, you need Ryan Braun. While there are plenty of other talented players on the Brewers (I like Carlos Gomez more than anyone else I’ve ever met.), Braun is the superstar. And I also don’t mind what Braun did. He cheated to win, which I am generally in favor of doing, and he lied about cheating, which is another great move. My problem comes with his apology. What are you apologizing for, Braun? Stop being a nerd. So I guess I’m in favor of what Milwaukee did. Never apologize, Milwaukee.

How do you feel about baseball? What about some other sports?

What a wonderfully odd question. As a sports connoisseur (who did not spell that correctly on the first try) I enjoy baseball quite a bit. I love the Red Sox, and look forward to them winning another championship this season.

As for other sports, I like those too.

Why are you such a hack?

Your words are hurtful.

Who are you taking in the college 3-point shooting contest?

Now this should be an easy one. For those of you who don’t already know, Ethan Wragge will be participating in this year’s contest. I’m assuming that all of the smart money is going to be on him, so I’ll look elsewhere. My pick is Akeem Richmond, because you always pick the chucker. Chuckers have practiced more than anyone else.

Who would win in a (legal) cockfight, the old Creighton mascot or the new one?

Well, cockfighting is still legal in Puerto Rico, so that’s where I’m setting this hypothetical. Actually, regardless of venue, new Billy wins, and it’s not even close. He wears shoes (for maximum stomping), has defined arms (for maximum lifting) and wears pants (for maximum not-ending-up-on-the-Sex-Offender-Registry). Easy win for new Billy.

As always, thanks for sending in your questions.