18
Feb 2014
Matt Bourgault

A little bit of everything

Matt discusses things. Lots of them.

So the dunk contest did not exactly go as planned.

I apologize for hyping it up so much, but I was truly excited for the competition. I mean, John Wall showed up, so there was that.

Much of the problem was due to the new format (a format I thought was pretty innovative). Many people were confused, and the ending (an East sweep) left much to be desired.

So in honor of the disjointed and disappointing nature of the 2014 Sprite Slam Dunk Contest (Speaking of Sprite, how many years have they been using that same Drake commercial?),  I’m going to touch upon a whole bunch of different topics in this column.

Please try to keep up.

Introducing 3-Unit: I’m actually pretty excited about this one. Due to everyone ignoring my genius in handing out individual nicknames to the men’s basketball team, I was forced come up with a moniker for the whole club. A quick Googling later and I feel pretty confident that “3-Unit” is up for grabs.

Allow me to extend the metaphor. Doug is 50 Cent, for obvious reasons. The team goes as he goes, and I’m sure he’ll be raking in that Vitamin Water money in the NBA. Grant Gibbs is Lloyd Banks, because of his cerebral nature. Jahenns Manigat provides the energy for the team, so there is your Young Buck. Because someone has to be The Game, the distinction will be given to Ethan Wragge. He gets the second-most hype, and sometimes even overshadows Doug. Wrapping up the starters, Austin is Lil’ Scrappy, the most notable member of G-Unit South.

As for the bench, Devin Brooks is Tony Yayo. He’s fun to watch, but gets in trouble on the court from time to time. Everyone else is Mobb Deep, because, you know, the bench is deep. I’ll stop now.

Five Deadly Venoms: Now that the Bluejays have proven, to rational people at least, that they are the best team in the Big East, it’s time to look at the national picture. There are only five teams that I truly believe are better than Creighton. Duke and Kansas have overwhelmed opponents with scorpion-style athleticism. I fear that any matchup with these two will end much like last year’s matchup with Duke. Iowa’s rapid, centipede-style pace could lead to Creighton needing to play catch up all game. Finally, Arizona and Louisville feature toad-style defenses, immensely strong and immune to nearly any weapon. When they play properly they are almost invincible.

The Olympics are still on: I recommend that you continue to watch them.

To finish off this hodgepodge, I have a few reader questions to get through.

Should Doug McDermott receive a gold medal and/or the Medal of Honor for his performance this year?

Now this is a tricky one. I mean, I love Doug. His play has let my writing approach semi-relevance. The problem with this question is that I don’t think Doug qualifies for these things. He hasn’t entered in any Olympic events (I checked) this year and I’m pretty sure he isn’t in the military (I did not check). At this point, I think the best Doug can hope for are comparisons to 50 Cent and a Presidential Medal of Freedom. Not a bad haul!

Could the average Creighton student take on 20 5-year-olds at the same time?

I don’t know about the average Creighton student, but I do know that I’ve been using a successful strategy to fight 5-year-olds for some time now. Once you eliminate the pack leader, 5-year-olds start to become disorganized and break ranks. From there, it’s easy pickings. I wish you luck in your future playground-fight endeavors.

That will be it for me this week. Stay safe, Kiev!